#Fasterfood

(Originally published on praxistheatre.com as part of Harbourfront Centre's HATCH 2014.)

Earlier this week, ISMEE, the artificial intelligence on board the starship Envoy, issued an invitation and a challenge:

Want to travel faster than light? Apply to #Fastronauts today: include your name, hometown, and favourite freeze-dried/squeeze-tube food.
— ISMEE the A.I. (@ISMEEtheAI) March 19, 2014

And you know there's nothing people like better than tweeting their #foodporn:

@ISMEEtheAI The name's Jenn, I'm in Florida, and I've always been a bit fascinated by a "meal in a can". #Fastronauts http://t.co/6FFn4wtggI — Jenn (@ONoesUDidnt) March 19, 2014

 

@ONoesUDidnt Re: level 2, does 'crack' pie contain actual crack? pic.twitter.com/sl0OeX0uVo — ISMEE (@ISMEEtheAI) March 19, 2014

 

@ISMEEtheAI I think it refers to the expansion in size of one's butt crack after eating it :D — Jenn (@ONoesUDidnt) March 19, 2014

 

@ISMEEtheAI #Fastronauts Dmitri M. Cherenchikov from Karasuk, Russia. So of course in the tube is this: pic.twitter.com/3lacJyKJ43 — DmitriMCherenchikov (@dmchov) March 19, 2014

 

Hello @ISMEEtheAI, Alison in Toronto here, with the best thing since sliced Tang. #Fastronauts are go! pic.twitter.com/gJdxqOWAbV — Alison Humphrey (@alisonhum) March 19, 2014

 

Yes, Durian is banned on planes, but lyophilized is OK for space? Xiao-Xing Wu, Chengdu, China, to join #Fastronauts! pic.twitter.com/LgF2EYAlut — Wu Xiao-Xing (@xiaoxingwu) March 19, 2014

I met these on a geochem conference in Taiwan. If you cannot put beer into space, bring bar snacks! #Fastronauts pic.twitter.com/xCRpktZnlZ — Wu Xiao-Xing (@xiaoxingwu) March 21, 2014

 

@ISMEEtheAI Glenda in Toronto - I loathe virtual spam but could survive on canned Spam & mustard packets. Sign me up! #Fastronauts — Glenda MacDonald (@glenda_macd) March 27, 2014

 

@glenda_macd Bowie on space trash: "Here am I floating in a tin can." How do you feel about foil-pack #spam instead? pic.twitter.com/rhIQCksriF — ISMEE (@ISMEEtheAI) March 27, 2014

 

I'm told it's perfect for @SPAMbrand space sushi... #Fastronauts #fasterfood @glenda_macd pic.twitter.com/GL4M3sgsk2 — ISMEE (@ISMEEtheAI) March 27, 2014

Craving some freeze-dried deep-fried beef? Camembert squeeze cheese? Soup in a tube? Share a taste with @ISMEEtheAI and join the #Fastronauts today!

Astronauts Thomas P. Stafford and Donald K. "Deke" Slayton hold containers of Soviet space food in the Soyuz Orbital Module. The containers hold borsch (beet soup) over which vodka labels have been pasted. This was the crews' way of toasting each other. (Wikimedia Commons)